The Honeymooners – Day 9 – A Day at Sea

After pulling away from the Ketchican dock, we knew we wouldn’t be on dry land again until we got to Vancouver. So, we had to plan for our activities without the benefit of an excursion. I got up early so I could get to the treadmill before anyone else. I got to the gym at about 10 minutes before they opened and found a line forming already! I managed to score a treadmill and ran for 45 minutes. I usually run 45 minutes on Wednesday evening, but after my day in Ketchikan and my night on the ship, I wasn’t able to run then! Waking up dehydrated to go run on a treadmill so I could sweat for 45 minutes, made me even more dehydrated!

Sometimes, the only thing interesting on the ship is to go on the deck by the pool and have a beer. You could tell how the ship was rocking by watching the water in the pool splash over first one side and then the other, back and forth for a long, long time. That got boring in about 30 seconds. People watching at the pool was endlessly entertaining! There was a pack of teenagers who stayed together all week as if their lives depended on being part of the pack. I reminded me of “March of the Penguins” who huddled together during winter so they could survive the cold. Except this pack was loud and silly. They showed up together at a comedy show and sat in the front row. It ended up being just as entertaining watching them  than it was watching the comedian!

Also on the swimming pool deck, we had the older crowd wearing an interesting variety of clothing. Many of them were smart enough to sstay covered up. There was more than one woman who decided to pull her shirt up to sun what looked like a bag of tapioca pudding. Ladies! That’s what tanning beds are for! Worse, I saw all the older men with their skinny legs and large, shirtless, bellies. Why, men? Why?  Finally, there were a few, very few, who were flaunting their goods for all the world to see. Good work!

After I got bored, I decided to schedule a massage. This massage was with the blessings of my beautiful bride, but I still had to pay for it. One very obvious thing about this ship is that there are a LOT of Philippinos working in service positions. There are also a few British, but the vast majority of the waiters/waitresses are residents of the Philippines. So, I was expecting a similar type massage – a small Philippino woman. I went at the appointed time and filled out the required paperwork. They gave me a robe and showed me to the changing room. I tthen went to the waiting area  where I waited with two women, all three of us in our robes.. I didn’t see a single man in the area! What is wrong with the men on this boat? Then,  my massuse arrived to take me back to the room.  I was surprised to find that I was about to get a massage from a very attractive blonde woman from South Africa who had a charming British accent.  At this point, dear reader, you may be wondering about a “happy ending.” This was not the case, in fact it was a “sad ending.” After the massage, she said, “You just missed some whale sightings off the side of the boat.” I’ve spent hours and hours taking about 1,100 pictures over the side of the ship, and you see whales while I’m getting a massage? That’s just bullshit!

I went back to the room and told Alana how relaxing the massage was. She asked if I got the happy ending. I told her, “no, but I gave her one!” It’s a damn good thing she loves me and gets me like no one I’ve ever known!

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