Any adult who still thinks they can have “sweet dreams” is dreaming!  I woke up at 6:00 this morning due to the weirdest dream I’ve had in a long time, and I’ve had some doozies!  This one involved a bunch of my family and extended family gathering at the house I grew up in, only this was a newer and improved house.  I never went inside because the weirdness was outside.  I saw a nephew, who I haven’t seen in a few years, riding a bicycle with his girlfriend. I don’t even know if he has a girlfriend, but she was pretty.  I saw a few old friends from the neighborhood, and my brother who currently lives in China was there.  So far, this doesn’t seem weird.

I was outside carving some weird meat that turned into jello when you tried to put in on a plate.  So I found these jello glasses to put it in and my friend thought that was really smart, so he stole my serving.  I don’t like jello, in fact I hate jello!  I love alcohol but not when it’s put in a jello shot!  I won’t touch it then.  This weird meat was coming from some unidentifiable animal that was still alive and didn’t mind that we were carving it up. Then, for some reason, this animal turned into a dog with a really bad grooming job with patchy fur all over his body.  I asked my friend what to do and he said I would have to kill it by breaking its neck.  That’s when I woke up!

Where the fuck did that come from???  I can understand the family part of it since I’ll be seeing a lot of them at my wedding next month.  Alana is having stress dreams about the wedding, which makes sense.  But everything that happened after I saw my nephew doesn’t exist in the real world!  How is that shit even in my brain to be processed?  So I did what every person who has been freaked out by a dream would do – I went to google “dream interpretation.”  There were 19,100,000 results returned in 0.12 seconds.  I guess I’m not the only person having weird dreams!

My first attempt to interpret this was to find out what dreaming about a dog means.  This particular dog was black.  What I found was, “To see a black colored dog in your dream symbolizes the shadow aspect of a friend. The dark side of someone close to you is being revealed and you are able to see through to their true intentions.”  I’m on to you, Alana!  I can see your true intentions, I think.  It was a small dog.  What I found was, “To dream of small dogs, indicates that your thoughts and chief pleasures are of a frivolous order.”  Yeah, that’s pretty true.

I didn’t spend too much time on this, but I couldn’t find anything about what it means to kill a dog.  So I got curious and wondered what they had to say about killing cats.  There was no shortage of interpretations here!  My favorite was, “To dream of a cat, denotes ill luck, if you do not succeed in killing it or driving it from your sight.  But if you succeed in banishing it, you will overcome great obstacles and rise in fortune and fame.”  Killing dogs – bad.  Killing cats – money!

My next stop was to find out what dreaming about friends and family means.  I went back to the dreaming dictionary to the “F” page and found an entry for facebook!  If you’re dreaming about facebook, you might want to log off for a while!   Then, there was a banner ad featuring the face of Barack Obama right next to the entries for “Fairy Tale”, “Faithless”, and “Fake”.  Moving on.  For family, we have “To see your own family in your dream represents security, warmth and love. It could also symbolize bitterness, jealousy, or rivalry, depending on your relationship with your family.”  Jesus, that’s just no help at all!

Scrolling down, there is an entry for “Farting.”  “To dream that you are farting suggests that you are being passive aggressive. You need to express your feelings in a more direct manner. ” I’m pretty sure my farts are in a very direct manner!  “Feminine Napkin” – “Please see Maxi Pad.”  Finally, down to “Friends” I found, “to see your childhood friend suggests that you have been acting in a childish manner. You need to start acting like an adult.”  I sense a pattern now!  My dream was trying to tell me I’m childish and frivolous!  I think I’ll go with that and forget about the whole dog thing.  I like being childish and frivolous!  Now, it’s time for my second cup of coffee.  I don’t want to go back to sleep!