I’m writing this using my laptop attached to my desktop widescreen high def monitor, while using a wireless keyboard and mouse. Basically, I’ve turned my laptop into my temporary desktop. Why, you ask? Because for the last time, my PC hard drive crashed! I’ve been a huge proponent of all things Microsoft for my entire life. I have installed every version of Windows (except Vista because that version really, really sucked) since the first version of Windows. I know how to replace and/or upgrade RAM. I know how to add or replace hard drives. I know how to replace video cards, sound cards, floppy drives, CD/DVD drives and I know how to connect to the internet without a wireless network adapter! In fact, I know the sound a modem makes when it tries connecting to A-O-fucking-L!! I’m that old and I’m that deeply tied to the Microsoft Windows world.

Two days ago, my PC started acting buggy. My Garmin watch that I wear when I run has a cradle that uploads my runs while it charges the watch. It refused to upload to the software. Then I downloaded an update to the software, but that was no help. After I downloaded a new music collection from Spin Magazine, it required that I open iTunes. I tried that, but nothing happened. So, I did what every good IT guy tells you to do – I rebooted! Then the fun began. My computer rebooted to a black screen with no cursor or anything. It just sat there mocking me. Of course, I just turned it off and tried again. I think I heard laughter as my hard drive slowed to a stop, then started again to another black screen.

Of course the next step was to start in Safe Mode, so I tried that. I wondered if anyone else compared Safe Mode with Safe Sex while I waited for my condom covered PC to boot up. The funny thing was, the condom worked so well that it prevented the keyboard and mouse from penetrating it! The computer shut down the keyboard and rendered it useless! So I thought, maybe it’s the fact that it’s wireless and I just need to buy a wired version. The next day, I went to Office Depot and spent $30 on the cheapest version I could find. I came home, plugged it in, and was thrilled to see the mouse work again! Until it didn’t!! I then endured one reboot after another as I sat and watched the light on the keyboard that told me it worked only until the computer said “fuck you, go away” as the light of my hopes and dreams went out.

Surely the System Recovery disks that came with the computer will work, right? Wrong! What about the Windows 7 installation disk – I’ll just boot it up from the CD drive. Nope! Every time I had an option to do something, my PC took away the keyboard and mouse and refused my advances! I was more frustrated than a virgin at a nymphomaniac convention! After hours of watching my PC reboot and reboot and reboot until it could reboot no more, I gave up. I pulled the hard drive thinking I would just go and buy a new one.

Then I started doing the math. $150 for a 1 TB drive. $200 for a new Windows 7 disk (the one I had was an upgrade version which required an earlier version). So, $350 later, I’m stuck with a 4-year-old PC with 2GB of RAM and a processor that is several generations old. I looked online at PCs and found that I could find a good replacement for $500 if I was willing to buy a computer with a processor that was just 3 generations old. Granted, they come with a 1 TB drive, but I have that in an external drive.

Finally, on a whim, I looked at the Apple Store. You have to understand how ludicrous I thought that time-wasting move was! I have refused to buy iPods and iPhones. I’ve become an advocate for Droid since they came out. Even knowing that my oldest son helped put himself through college by working at the Apple Store didn’t sway my opinion. I am a PC through and through! But then those bastards started reeling me in! I found the Mac mini and its tiny silver box. I found an operating system called Lion. A lion is much more interesting than a window! I found a mouse that operates as if you were touching the screen of an iPad. I found that spending an extra $300 will buy me a desktop solution that will also act as a High Def media center that I can hook up to my HD TV if I want to.

Ten text messages to my son later, I was sold. I’m getting a MAC! I remember introducing my kids to the computer. They seemed to learn very quickly how to use a mouse and find the programs they wanted to use on the PC. Now, my kids are leading the way. My oldest son just bought a top of the line iMac while my other two kids use either an iMac or a MacBook. My preferred music library organizer has been iTunes for a long time. Alana has an iPad she lets me touch occasionally (insert pun here). I guess $300 more than I planned to spend is worth it if it teaches me how to spell everything with a lower case i followed by a capital letter.

iWin!!!